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Infomercials change lives

Infomercials change lives

Posted: Wednesday, June 12, 2013 8:00 pm
By: by Lisa Smartt

The Messenger 06.12.13

If you watch infomercials, you’ll get a rich cultural education. For example, there’s a problem in America that I would have never been aware of had a helpful commercial not enlightened me. Cats are bored. I know. You thought they were just being, well, cats. No, friend. No.
It’s been discovered that a lot of cats are bored, depressed and looking for a purpose in life. They’re waiting, hoping, for you to do something about it. So, along with your responsibility to pay the electric bill, raise your kids with morals and get along with co-workers, you need to be willing to address cat boredom. Thankfully, there are toll free numbers you can call for help. Have that credit card handy.
If you’re not a cat owner, you may be experiencing a horrible bout of pancake trauma. What’s that? You don’t know about pancake trauma? It’s sweeping our country and it should be addressed with a lot of sensitivity. Evidently, there are people who can’t pour pancake batter into a pan and turn the pancake and eat the pancake. That is just TOO hard.
Forget the fact that we have been eating pancakes for hundreds of years. We are now completely incapable of making a pancake because we have more credit than sense. So go ahead and order that perfect pancake pan on the infomercial. It will prove to family and friends that you are completely incapable of running your own life.
Summer means it’s time for yard work. Evidently, there are tons of people who understand the yard part but not the work part. Yard work means you may sweat. You may get dirty. You may not be able to wear cute little white Capri pants while doing it. What’s the biggest culprit to yard work misery? Evidently, it’s the water hose.
Carrying a common water hose clearly requires the strength of Samson. Marriages have been strained. Probably a lot of people go to the emergency room every year because they carried a regular water hose from the garage to the front yard. But don’t worry. You’ll be spared untold misery if you order a pocket hose. It’s not heavy. It’s not cumbersome. It will take away all the agony of common yard work. The best part? You can operate a pocket hose while wearing white Capri pants. Everybody wins. Uh, except your pocketbook.
When it comes to spending money, I admit I’m always a skeptic. My car has more than 230,000 miles. I wear a $10 watch. I don’t dream of winning the lottery. Phil and I have never even bought a ticket. And we won’t buy a ticket. There are too many real problems in the world for me to spend time focusing on pancake trauma or water hoses.
Years ago we read a book that changed our lives. We’ve always been fiscally conservative. But “The Treasure Principle” by Randy Alcorn gave us perspective on an entirely different way of living. We chose a standard of living and decided not to live higher than that … regardless of our financial situation. The result has been joyful and freeing. So, I guess we’re stuck making pancakes the way my grandmother did. That thought makes me smile.
Editor’s note: Lisa Smartt’s column appears each Wednesday in the Friends and Neighbors section of The Messenger. For more information about Lisa Smartt, visit her website, lisasmartt.com. She may be contacted by email at lisa@lisasmartt.com.

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