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Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

Posted: Thursday, May 30, 2013 7:00 pm

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Scarlett Johansson is among four actresses being considered to play the young Hillary Clinton in the new movie Rodham. It’s about Hillary’s life in Washington D.C. right after she graduated from college. Bill Clinton just offered to play himself if Scarlett gets the role.
Richard Pryor is profiled Friday in a TV documentary called Richard Pryor: Omit the Logic. The great comic was the symbol of the Seventies. When Richard Pryor died eight years ago, the coroner estimated he had a street value of two hundred million dollars.
Rutgers named former Tennessee women’s volleyball coach Julie Hermann athletic director Monday. Her former players said she berated them and called them whores, alcoholics and learning-impaired. In addition to volleyball, she also coached spring break.
A Royal Caribbean cruise liner flew all their passengers home to Baltimore Tuesday after a fire aboard a Bahamas-bound ship set off the lifeboat-drill. They take no chances. That may be why all the major cruise lines have replaced comedy night with rowing classes.
Wall Street soared Tuesday with the Dow Jones doubling where it was when Barack Obama took office. The numbers don’t lie. They cement President Obama’s place as the worst socialist in U.S. history and President Bush’s place as the worst capitalist in U.S. history.
Capitol Hill prepared four IRS investigations for targeting conservative groups this week. It’s crazy. So many investigtions are raining down on the White House that the governors of Oklahoma and New Jersey just declared the White House a disaster area.
President Obama flew to Oklahaoma Sunday to see tornado-struck Moore Sunday. It was a very fast trip. The president had to be back in Washingtion D.C. by eight o’clock to interrupt regularly scheduled programs and order everybody to watch the Liberace movie.
Microsoft released details of its new X-Box gaming console Friday and it’s sure to be a hit with video gamers. It comes with augmented-reality headsets and targeting glasses. President Obama tried one out, fired two drones and nearly started a war with Pakistan.
John McCain was in Turkey Monday when he jumped on a plane and paid a surprise visit to Syria’s rebel leaders in Syria. He risked being shot down to get there. It was really dangerous, but when they offered to do a fundraiser for him, he couldn’t turn them down.
President Obama warned U.S. Naval Academy graduates against sexually harassing women recruits. The future is clear. If Arab leaders want to avoid U.S. invasion they’re going to have to swallow their pride and rename their countries something more feminine.
President Obama told Attorney General Eric Holder to probe the Justice Department seizure of AP phone records. Eric Holder is the one who ordered the seizure. Under the terms of the sequester, we have to do everything possible to speed up these investigations.
President Obama will meet with China’s leader Xi Jingping in California next week at Walter Annenberg’s estate in Rancho Mirage. Tough day. In the old days the president had to meet with our biggest bondholder alone and now he has to meet them two at a time.
Terry Bradshaw’s publicist announced he will star in a stage show about his life at the Las Vegas Mirage Hotel in June. He feels lucky just to be alive. Back in high school Terry once nearly froze to death when he went to the drive-in to see Closed for the Winter.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.
Published in The Messenger 5.30.13

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