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Annie 5.30.13

Annie 5.30.13

Posted: Thursday, May 30, 2013 8:00 pm

Dear Annie: I am in my 20s and am engaged to a beautiful girl. Our religion prohibits sex before marriage. But when “Donna” tells me to stop kissing her, I persist. I don’t see why not. It’s just kissing.
Donna says she has not been firm enough with me and when she says no, she means no. Yesterday, I was sitting next to Donna and started kissing her on the lips. She said no, and when I didn’t stop, she slapped my face. It felt like I had been stung by a bee. Donna told me she definitely had to slap me.
My cousin said that in a dating situation, the woman sets the rules, and it is her prerogative to slap a man’s face if she feels he has gone too far. Do you agree? I don’t think she had to slap me. — John
Dear John: It’s hard to believe you are living in this century. While we don’t recommend that women go around slapping men, anything you do after Donna says “no” could be considered assault or even attempted rape. She is entitled to defend herself. She could call the police. Show some respect for your girlfriend, and stop kissing her when she asks you to stop. You sound too immature to get married.
Dear Annie: I am a 32-year-old professional woman and a newlywed. I have been best friends with “Martha” since the first grade, although we began to drift apart after college. But we always talked about our future weddings and vowed to attend each other’s. Meanwhile, I moved to the East Coast, and Martha moved to the West Coast. We stayed in touch and occasionally saw each other in our hometown.
I was not asked to be a bridesmaid at Martha’s wedding, but I traveled to California with my fiance to attend and also went to her bridal shower in our hometown. Very few others did because of the cost and the distance. Her parents told me they were thrilled that I was there.
About 10 months after Martha’s wedding, I married on the East Coast. Of course, Martha was invited, but she RSVP’d that she could not attend. She gave no reason. My first anniversary is approaching, and I have yet to hear any words of congratulations from my “best friend” — no card or gift or even a phone call. I also haven’t heard anything from her parents. Back in my hometown, my mother occasionally runs into Martha’s mother. She has never mentioned my marriage.
I am terribly hurt. It seems clear that Martha doesn’t care about me or want to continue our friendship. I am trying to put this behind me, but I am puzzled that neither she nor her family had the common courtesy to send a note of congratulations. I am thinking of “unfriending” her on Facebook. — Raised with Manners
Dear Manners: Martha was remiss not to send a card of congratulations. But when friends go in different directions — figuratively as well as physically — the closeness tends to fade. It doesn’t mean Martha no longer cares, only that the friendship has become a casual interest. Facebook is actually perfect for that. You can keep track of each other without having to invest any genuine effort.
Dear Annie: I believe you missed the boat with your answer to “Irritated by Lack of Thoughtfulness,” who said a woman carried on a cellphone conversation during a funeral. You said it was impolite, but added that the phone could be turned on “mute” or “vibrate” and emergencies handled out of earshot.
We have lost all sensitivity to others. At funerals, weddings and church services, phones should be left at home or in the car. If something is so important that one must stay connected, one should not attend the function.
Not so long ago, cellphones didn’t exist, and we managed to survive. — Litchfield, Maine
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at

Published in The Messenger 5.30.13


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