Posted: Wednesday, December 12, 2012 7:00 pm
HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Hyde Park on Hudson stars Bill Murray as Franklin Roosevelt when he met his third mistress at a family picnic while secretly plotting a war in Europe. That was a president. Franklin Roosevelt was able to do everything Bill Clinton did, and he did it in a wheelchair.
South Korean rap star Psy apologized Friday for his song that called for people of the world to unite and kill all the Yankees. The lyrics also urge the killing of all Yankee family members. It could become the first rap song to win Country Music Song of the Year.
Mel Brooks said he’s writing a Broadway musical of his comedy Blazing Saddles. It is about a black sheriff in the Wild West who earns the trust of a town full of white people. It ends in a pie fight that starts with an argument over how much to raise taxes on the rich.
Wall Street CEO Peter Schiff ripped Obama’s proposed tax hikes on CNBC Sunday. He said the majority don’t have the right to steal his money just because they voted for it. Money is fleeing offshore so fast, the new five-dollar bill shows Lincoln in Bermuda shorts.
Skyfall’s’s box office showed that U.S. moviegoers prefer James Bond over Abe Lincoln by a three-to-one margin. It’s not close. Americans would rather see a spy kill bad guys and sleep with gorgeous women than watch some politician making speeches dedicating cemeteries.
John Boehner met with President Obama on the fiscal cliff Monday. If we go over the cliff taxes go up automatically, and the only way to avoid the cliff is to do it manually. We are never going to solve this problem until we have a president who can drive a stick shift.
North Korea announced Sunday it will test-fire an intercontinental missile this week but didn’t specify exactly when. All they’ve fired so far are duds. North Korea claims it has a missile that can reach Los Angeles, which is true, if they launch it from Santa Monica.
The White House joined the photo-video sharing website Pinterest Monday in order to post inspiring quotes and images to explain key issues. The president’s taking over everything. By next fall, rooting for any team but the Chicago Bears will be a thought crime.
Newt Gingrich said Sunday the Republicans are ill-equipped to defeat Hillary Clinton in four years. He’s probably right. Americans are sure to put Hillary and Bill back in the White House if only as a make-good to comedians for eight long years of President Obama.
UCLA researchers released a survey Monday saying Hispanic people in Los Angeles live longer than the non-Hispanic people in L.A. It’s a natural-selection phenomenon. Only the fittest make it across the Arizona desert into a subsidized apartment in California.
Discovery Channel aired a new reality series called Amish Mafia about a real-life Mennonite enforcer named Lebanon Levi. The show is full of thrills and surprises. Lebanon Levi drives a horse-drawn cart that converts to an amphibious vehicle during chase sequences.
U.S. Senator Tom Coburn cited Homeland Security Friday for spending thousands and thousands of taxpayer money to teach cops how to battle flesh-eating zombies. Everyone was afraid to cut the funding. Republicans don’t want to lose the next election because the opposition runs TV ads showing them pushing zombies over a cliff in their wheelchairs.
Arnold Schwarzenegger signed to star in a new Terminator movie that involves time travel. He has a few regrets. If Arnold could go back in time he would have married into the Bush family instead of the Kennedy family and the only thing he’d be caught screwing was oil countries.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.
Published in The Messenger 12.12.12