Posted: Wednesday, May 16, 2012 8:00 pm
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been happily married for eight years, and we have two beautiful children. Recently, an ex-boyfriend called to let me know that his father had died. I hadn’t heard from him in 12 years.
“Matt” and I began speaking regularly and even spent some time together. My husband knew all of this and was OK with it. One night, however, things went further than they should have, and we kissed several times. I don’t know whether I should confess this to my husband or not. Other than getting it off my chest, what good would it do? My husband would no longer trust me, and I’d lose my friendship with Matt, and frankly, I don’t want that to happen.
The kissing isn’t going to happen again. Do I follow the “honesty is always the best policy” philosophy, or the “what you don’t know can’t hurt you” philosophy? — A Confused Wife
Dear Confused: You have betrayed your husband and should stop all contact with Matt immediately. No matter what you say about not kissing him again, your excuses to maintain the friendship indicate that your resolve is paper thin. You are playing with fire, risking your marriage and family for the thrill of feeling young and desired again. It’s time to grow up and end this nonsense. Use all that sexual tension and energy to revitalize your marriage. Sounds as if it could use a boost.
Dear Annie: I’d like to make a suggestion to people who give gifts to high school and college graduates. While a savings bond is a generous and patriotic gesture, it is of little value to a college freshman who needs to buy $500 worth of textbooks and supplies, or to a graduating senior with thousands of dollars in student loans.
Very little compares to the look of despair when a graduate opens a card to find a $100 savings bond that can’t be cashed in for full value for several years. I realize budgets are tight, but a $50 check might mean the difference between a college freshman buying dinner or going hungry. — Cash Strapped for College
Dear Cash Strapped: We understand your preferences, but you’d find an equal number of older graduates telling you how grateful they were to discover a fully matured bond when they were out of school, struggling to pay for baby food and car repairs. We know many graduates would like something they can use in the here and now. But those who give gifts do so out of generosity and thoughtfulness, not because they are obligated to feed you. If you receive government bonds, consider them an investment in your future, and put them in a safe place. In 10 years, they’ll be worth more, and you’ll be thrilled to rediscover them.
Dear Annie: I must respond to “Need Another Opinion,” who doesn’t want to be burdened with caring for his wife’s disabled stepsiblings.
As the parent of biological children and an adopted daughter, I would like to point out that there should be no distinction between the two. I love all my children the same. We are a family, blood or no blood.
Those with Down syndrome and other developmental and emotional issues deserve to be cared for and respected in our communities. It is not always easy, but there are many resources available to help.
If I were this man’s wife, I would be wary of spending my life with him. Did he really think he married someone who would turn her back on her family because it was challenging and difficult? Tragedy can happen at any time. How would he feel if one of their future children had a catastrophic injury or illness?
I suggest “Another Opinion” take a good look in the mirror to see what kind of man he is willing to be. Hopefully, they can find a way to build a life together and still care for their family members. — Mom of Three
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 5.16.12