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Old people stuff

Old people stuff

Posted: Wednesday, May 9, 2012 8:00 pm
By: By Lisa Smartt

Some of you may be wondering if you’re young or old. I can help you. I’m old. I know I’m old because of the way I look at life. What’s that? No, I don’t feel bad about being old. I’m downright proud of it.  
I say things like, “School proms have gotten completely out of hand. Renting a car or a limo for prom night? Crazy. Hundreds of dollars for a dress you’re not getting married in? Ridiculous.”
 I even heard that some schools now have a “receiving line” where hundreds of parents and community people gather to watch teenage couples walk down a red carpet like they’re starring in a movie or something. There should be a movie. Really. It should be called, “I Conned My Parents Into Spending $500 on Prom Night.” A comedy. I would definitely go see it (at the bargain matinee, of course).
Another sign that I’m getting old? We use bar soap. We use bar soap in the shower. We use bar soap at the bathroom sink. In case you young folks don’t know what bar soap is, it’s a square or oblong hard piece of soap. If you put it under water, it will make suds in your hands. I promise.
Young people all seem to use liquid soap or shower gel, which is much more expensive and usually has a strong floral or celebrity scent. Recently a young person was in our home and came out of the bathroom saying, “There’s no soap at the sink.” I was puzzled. I went into the bathroom and said, “Yes, here’s the soap.” The response? “Oh, that’s soap?” Yes, friend. It’s soap. I’m old and I think this is what soap looks like. I also think you’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer. But if I told you that you’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, you wouldn’t even know what that means. Yep! I’m definitely old.
It’s time to talk about music. I know. Everyone has different taste in music. I get that. But again, current musical styles have clearly illustrated that I am an old person. The new style in music sounds like the artist just got up from a long nap and can barely muster the energy to whisper some raspy lyrics which make no sense to me.
May I share a word of advice with current musical artists? Get more rest. Articulate better. Stop making every song sound like a raspy dirge mourning the loss of your favorite dog. Cheer up, people! Cheer up!  
Clothing? You don’t want to know. Here’s the deal. I’m fine with casual dress. I am. But if you’re going to a wedding, a funeral or a graduation, please wear pants instead of shorts. This doesn’t seem like too much to ask. Wear shoes instead of flip flops. If your favorite cousin is getting married, I think you can muster the energy to find socks and a pair of shoes. I know. Old.
Young people, I’m trying to adapt. I am. But maybe you should, too. Maybe we should all try to learn from each other. Like the country song says, “You start walking your way. I’ll start walking mine. We’ll meet in the middle.” Yeah. Now that’s an example of real music. Oops!
For more information about Lisa Smartt, visit her website, lisasmartt.com.

Published in The Messenger 5.9.12

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