Public pajamas?

Public pajamas?

Posted: Wednesday, May 2, 2012 8:00 pm
By: By Lisa Smartt

There’s an important dialogue taking place in America today. And I’m asking you to weigh in on the subject. Should human beings wear pajamas in public? OK. Maybe it’s not exactly an important dialogue, but thankfully, I’ve never prided myself on writing only about important dialogue.
First, a little history. I’m sure the public pajama-wearing trend started rather innocently a few years ago. Somewhere in this great country of ours, a precious little toddler got sick late one night. A frazzled mother ran to the all-night drug store to get Pepto-Bismol™. That young mom made a pivotal decision. A decision that would change our lives forever. She wore her pajamas. Thankfully, an older lady with a beehive hairdo named Gladys was working the drug store that night. Gladys forgave the young mom for her indiscretion. We all did. If only we had known where that decision would lead. That young mom opened a pajama-clad Pandora’s box.
Pretty soon people started going to convenience stores wearing their pajamas. The problem? They weren’t buying medicine for sick toddlers. They were buying tater logs, a bag of Skittles™ and a gallon of chocolate milk. And it was only 10:30 p.m. The shame of it all. Of course, we would have been much more forgiving of the pajama wearers had it been after midnight. Watch the clock, people. Watch the clock.
I regret to inform you that it didn’t end there. Pretty soon college students were seen at fast food establishments wearing pajama pants. Sometimes it was in broad daylight, too. May I share something which I hope will change your life for the better? Normal law-abiding citizens don’t want to see you wearing Sponge Bob Squarepants™ pajamas while you consume a cheeseburger at 11:30 a.m. on a Tuesday. It’s a cruel fact of life, friend. But a fact nonetheless.
If wearing pajamas in public had stayed a trend among teenagers or 20-somethings, I could have overlooked it. But, no. Eventually my generation jumped on the bandwagon. Saturday mornings found busy moms wearing peace sign pajama pants while wheeling their carts down the cereal aisle. Some even wore Bugs Bunny™ house shoes. That’s when I knew we’d reached a new low and recovery was unlikely. I mean, a woman who knows all the words to every Lionel Ritchie song should never wear pajamas in public. I thought that was common knowledge.
Obviously, I’m not a big fan of public pajama wearing. I’d rather you wear your Batman™ pajamas in bed instead of at the movies or in the produce aisle. But I’m trying to be open-minded. And truthfully, I’d much rather you wear modest pajama pants than shorts that are too short or clothing that shows more of you than I’m interested in seeing. Feel free to send me your personal opinion about wearing pajamas in public.
If I do catch you wearing pajamas at a local retail outlet, don’t worry. I’m not one to judge harshly, friend. Just run as fast as you can to the pharmacy section and grab up several bottles of Pepto-Bismol. Move quickly to the check-out counter and we’ll all be very forgiving. What’s that? Can you grab a gallon of chocolate milk and a bag of Oreos? Only if it’s after midnight.
———
For more information about Lisa Smartt, visit her website, lisasmartt.com.

Published in The Messenger 5.02.12

,

Leave a Comment