Marriage planner?

Marriage planner?

Posted: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 8:00 pm
By: By Lisa Smartt

Weddings seem to be taking center stage in reality shows right now. “Say ‘Yes’ to the Dress” is a show all about finding that perfect wedding dress. Only one little problem. The dress usually costs as much as we paid for our last car (a car which we’re still driving, by the way). Of course, the show seeks to convince us that when it comes to weddings, money doesn’t matter. As long as the bride and her mother are crying uncontrollably, who cares if little brother, Johnny, can go to college next year?
Another wedding show features David Tutera. David’s job is to take your wedding plans and change them completely because David has a lot better taste than you. David has better taste than your maid of honor, your mother-in-law and even your college roommate who majored in interior design.  
David has better taste than everyone and that’s why he has the TV show. It’s weird because no one ever seems offended by that sentiment. He swoops in and tells you that the bridesmaid dresses you chose are too pastel and the wedding dress is too passé. He laughs at your plans to serve country ham at the reception and decides instead to serve something more “tasteful.” Clearly, David Tetura has never tasted country ham.
I have a theory about wedding shows and their popularity. Do you remember when your grandma used to say, “Don’t get the cart before the horse.”? I think that sentiment applies here. How about some good ol’ common sense?
 A wedding dress should never cost as much as a car. Never. A dress and a car are two completely different things. Should a ham sandwich cost as much as a refrigerator? Thank you. Point made.
A wedding cake should never cost as much as a car. Never. A cake and a car are two completely different things. Should a blueberry muffin cost as much as a dishwasher? Of course not. Someone might need to forward this column to Washington, D.C.
Flowers for a wedding shouldn’t cost more than a trip to the Canadian Rockies. Wedding receptions shouldn’t cost as much as a house. Deciding on the color of a bridesmaid dress shouldn’t be like deciding on a career path or a nuclear weapons strategy. A wedding is one day. An important day, yes. But it’s a day that has nothing to do with dresses or cake or country ham.
I think there needs to be a new reality show. Not about wedding planning, but about marriage planning. If they asked me to host it, I’d be glad to offer the following. Save the joyous physical intimacy of a relationship until after the wedding. There are SO many good reasons for that counsel, too numerous to mention in a newspaper column. Marry a man who understands the age-old concept of being a family man. Marry a woman who is committed to respecting you. Practice speaking kind words to each other. Practice resolving conflict without tearing each other apart. Protect the tender self-worth of your prospective spouse. Build up the one you love with constant encouragement and be a safe place when he or she fails.
 If you plan well for the marriage, trust me, the wedding will be beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
For more information about Lisa Smartt, visit her website,

Published in The Messenger 1.11.12


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