Posted: Thursday, November 10, 2011 7:02 pm
HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Los Angeles lawyer Gloria Allred produced a fourth female accuser against Herman Cain at a press conference in New York. The list of women grows longer every day. Herman Cain can survive this scandal as long as his caddy doesn’t write a book about him.
Lindsay Lohan was released from jail only four hours into her thirty-day sentence on Monday due to jail overcrowding in Los Angeles. She emerged from the jail to cheering fans outside. It’s the longest time anybody’s ever served in Los Angeles under celebrity law.
President Obama met with European leaders on the French Riviera Friday to discuss the EU debt crisis. They met at the world’s most expensive hotel to discuss ways to cut spending. Italy had to default on its debt to pay the tab for the mini-bar in their hotel room.
Herman Cain’s sex scandal may have knocked him from the race Monday. Democrats must be wistful. They’re now left with looking for dirt on a frontrunner whose religion bans him from drinking tea or alcohol and if you want another woman you just marry her.
Mitt Romney’s GOP support remained tepid in the polls Monday as other candidates faded under scrutiny. There’s always hope. If all Republicans care about is saving the banks, keeping the Dow Jones high and killing terrorists, they can always nominate Obama.
President Obama was urged by Republicans Monday to cancel his trip to Honolulu, Indonesia and Australia to save the Treasury money. How would it look if the president skipped the trip to the town where he was born? The people of Jakarta would be very hurt.
President Obama issued a worldwide holiday greeting to Muslims who celebrate the Hajj this month. Obama has an eighty percent approval rating in the Muslim world. They understand that he has to order one of their leaders killed a month or get impeached.
Jesse Ventura vowed never to stand for the National Anthem again Saturday after he lost his suit against the TSA. His legacy is secure. Jesse Ventura will always be honored as the fellow who took American politics and raised it to the level of professional wrestling.
NBC News reported that Mexico bank customers saw a snake crawling out of an ATM Friday. They took pictures of it with their cell phone cameras to prove it. Mexicans are tired of seeing an image of the Virgin Mary on the ATM screens and nobody believing them.
Greece considered defaulting on its bond debt and leaving the EU Friday rather than yielding to EU bailout strings. Tourists will always flock to Athens to see remnants of a great past civilization. You can still make out the Bank of America logo on some of its ruins.
The Supreme Court agreed to rule if cops have a right to place a GPS tracking device on your car without a warrant, like anyone else can with an iPhone. First Apple iTunes destroyed royalties for rock n roll groups and now their iPhone is destroying privacy. If Steve Jobs had been a Republican the Democrats would have sent the Navy SEALs after him.
Kim Kardashian flew to Minnesota Monday and explained to Kris Humphries and his church pastor that she’s divorcing him because she won’t leave Los Angeles. She could never live up there. Five people froze to death making sex videos in Minnesota last January.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. Email him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com. Published in The Messenger 11.10.11