Annie’s Mailbox – 11.10.11
Posted: Thursday, November 10, 2011 9:38 pm
By: By Kathy Mitchell & Marcy Sugar
The Messenger 11.10.11
Dear Annie: I recently turned 50, and I hate it. I wasn’t bothered when I turned 40, but this birthday is really eating at me.
I used to be very athletic, but with all the abuse I put my body through, I had to quit playing sports. I was well on my way into a depression when a woman half my age came into my life.
I love my wife dearly, and we have been together for more than 25 years. I would never cheat on her, but I can’t seem to get “Wanda” out of my head. She really has shown an interest in me. We email each other and have gone out for lunch a couple of times, and I find myself growing quite fond of her.
Is this what they call a midlife crisis? I want to tell Wanda how I feel about her, thinking maybe it would scare her away. I don’t know what to do. Well, I do know what to do. I just need to hear it from someone else. — Desperate for Help
Dear Desperate: Yes, this is what is called a midlife crisis. You are at a vulnerable age. Your life is probably past the halfway point, and it is intoxicating to find that Wanda is attracted to you. It makes you feel young again. The flirtation is already a form of betrayal, and continued contact is likely to lead to an affair, whether you intend it or not. You are smart enough to realize this.
Please don’t make your wife pay for your fears about aging. Do something to rekindle the spark in your marriage. Have a romantic dinner. Stay overnight at a hotel. Get counseling if you need it. Those couples who get through these rough spots often find their marriages are stronger and more fulfilling. We hope you will be one of them.
Dear Annie: For many years, I have hosted my family for Thanksgiving dinner. I remind them three months in advance and call a week before the date. Because I live alone, I don’t like to buy more food than I can safely freeze as leftovers, but I certainly want everyone to have as much as they like.
Last year, one couple behaved strangely. They called the day before to ask if they could come earlier so we’d have more time to visit. Then they actually showed up later than everyone else, ate quickly and left. Since then, I have not seen or heard a word from them, even though they live five minutes from my home.
Here’s the problem. For the past several years, I have had a longstanding invitation to stop at their house before the holidays. The date is always the same. Should I just show up as usual, or do I wait to hear from them first? I don’t want to go where I’m not wanted. — Baffled in the South
Dear Baffled: This shouldn’t be so difficult. Pick up the phone. Say you’ve missed them and want to see how they are doing. Hopefully, they will invite you to stop by for your annual visit. But if they don’t bring it up, you can casually ask, “Is it convenient for me to stop by on the 15th as usual?” This gives them the opportunity to let you know if their circumstances have changed.
Dear Annie: This is in response to “Miserable.” I experienced exactly the same problem. For six years, my husband and I were merely housemates. There was never an affectionate word, no intimate contact, no touching, nothing. He assured me there was no one else; he just had no desire.
Finally, he developed some physical issues and went for testing. It turned out that his testosterone level was quite low. Once he began taking weekly testosterone injections, we immediately returned to honeymooners’ status.
If testosterone isn’t the problem, it could be another hormone. Please tell her to get her husband to an endocrinologist. — Understand in North Carolina
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.