Do you need advice?
Posted: Wednesday, October 12, 2011 8:01 pm
By: By Lisa Smartt
I’m not a rocket scientist. I don’t even understand photosynthesis or algebra much less what it would take to hurl tons of steel into outer space. In fact, I’m not even sure if rockets are made of steel or some other substance. See? I told you I’m not a rocket scientist. Not even close. But despite my many academic frailties, I am fascinated with one thing. Human behavior. You can help me with my continued study of human behavior. In fact, I’m begging you to help me.
Now that fall has come, it’s time for a change. I’m fresh out of column ideas and I need help from readers. I’d like to do some columns in response to your personal concerns or questions. You know, kind of like a temporary advice column. Do you have a nosy mother-in-law or a controlling uncle and you’re not sure how to handle Thanksgiving dinner? Do you wonder if your boyfriend or girlfriend is “the one”? And how would you know if he or she is “the one”? Are you concerned that your teenagers are losing brain cells because they often forget to do their math homework? Are you wondering if those same teenagers actually FORGET to do their homework or if they have crafted a detailed plan to overthrow the educational system? Did your 9-year-old forget to feed the hamster and you wonder if hamster homicide is considered a felony? Do you need career advice? Are you obsessed with eating pickles after 10 p.m. and you’re looking for low-sodium solutions? Nothing will surprise me, friend. I’d love to hear from you. Send me your questions or concerns and I will address them in this column. Don’t worry. It will be completely anonymous. So make sure you don’t tell me where your nosy mother-in-law works. We don’t want to start a fire we can’t put out, do we?
Before you send your questions, just keep one thing in mind. Remember that your grandpa often said, “You get what you pay for.” Yeah. He was right. If you need valuable counsel that will change your life and set your feet on a wonderful path of hope and healing, you need to go to a professional counselor. BUT if you just need some down-home practical wisdom, that kind of help may be available through a fat newspaper columnist who lives in the country with her husband and two teenagers and three male cats who desperately need Prozac. And the best part? Well, the best part is that country-dwellin’ newspaper columnists don’t charge for their advice.
I need to tell the truth because truth is important. My desire to address your questions or concerns in the newspaper is probably related to the fact that I’m completely out of column ideas. But here’s the deal. If I can help you with your issue while writing an entertaining response that will put some life back into this weekly column, well … win/win, friend. So don’t hesitate. Don’t over think it. Sit down right now and send me a question or concern. You can e-mail it to email@example.com or send an anonymous letter to: Lisa Smartt, 300 Parrott Road, Dresden, TN 38225. Thanks in advance for your desire to help a middle-aged newspaper columnist throw some life back into this column.
For more information about Lisa Smartt, visit her website, lisasmartt.com.
Published in The Messenger 10.12.11