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Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

Posted: Wednesday, October 12, 2011 7:01 pm

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Robert Downey Jr. agreed to star in a movie as Los Angeles murder defense attorney Perry Mason. He never lost a case. Perry Mason pioneered today’s most popular and surest murder defense strategy of only taking clients who are too good-looking to execute.
BlackBerry service went down in London due to a glitch Monday, prompting fears the blackout could spread. Thank goodness the glitch stopped before it spread to the U.S. The violence could get out of control in Los Angeles and Manhattan if couples are forced to break up in person.
Sir Paul McCartney married 51-year-old Nancy Shevelle Sunday at a ceremony in the London Office of Public Record. The bride is a fabulously wealthy heiress from the Long Island Hamptons. Everyone at the wedding hoped she had the sense to get a pre-nup.
The Weather Channel showed huge thunderstorms rolling across the Southwest last weekend bringing drought relief to Oklahoma, Texas and New Mexico. How bad was the dry spell? The big ticket show at the arena in Albuquerque this year was Disney on Dirt.
Jerry Brown signed college subsidies for kids of illegal aliens Friday. He also signed a law barring teens from tanning beds. Leave it to Democrats to subsidize brown people who want to become Americans and to stop Americans who want to become brown people.
Attorney General Eric Holder was criticized over Operation Fast and Furious Tuesday. The ATF deliberately sold guns to drug dealers. The guns are needed because of the drug trade, and the drug trade is needed because no one can make a living doing anything legal.
The Justice Department declared it will begin targeting California’s medical marijuana stores for FBI raids. The withdrawal won’t be pretty. The administration is trying to make Californians irritable enough to riot in the street and blame everything on the banks.
Occupy Wall Street protesters sat in a Bank of America lobby in L.A. Friday. The bank no longer gives out easy money or free doughnuts and coffee. Cutting off the money and the food is how their parents got them to move out and it might work for Bank of America.
Nancy Pelosi applauded the Occupy Wall Street protesters Sunday and declared she backed their war with the establishment. She’s reliving her hippie youth. It’s just like Sixties, except there is a black president, no draft and Paul McCartney is a wedding singer.
President Obama was reported Monday to be isolating and brooding in the White House. He quits work at four, has dinner with his family and spends the rest of the evening alone. Insiders say he’ll only talk to his closest advisors, Haldeman and Ehrlichman.
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Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com. Published in The Messenger 10.12.11

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