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Annie 9.28.11

Annie 9.28.11

Posted: Wednesday, September 28, 2011 8:01 pm

Dear Annie: I know you won’t print this, because your column is all about badmouthing men. Hollywood does the same thing.
Why is it terrible when a man belittles his wife, but funny when she belittles him? Explain why Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck are “sexy” when they don’t shave, but women complain about us for the same thing. Some of us have nose and ear hair, and women call us slobs. Maybe we don’t change our clothes every day. So what?
This is for all the wives and girlfriends: When was the last time you shaved your legs, underarms or even your face? Do you really think a moustache or two-inch hair sticking out of your chin is an aphrodisiac? It’s not. When was the last time you used makeup or put on some perfume? Do you really think wearing sweatpants on your 300-pound body makes you look like an athlete?
I try to appreciate the finer, nonphysical things about women. A beautiful heart and personality are much more attractive than a pretty face. But an ungrateful attitude is many times worse than some extra hair. Why don’t you try to appreciate us for providing a decent home and working hard all our lives to support our families? When you change your attitude, a little extra hair won’t seem important. — Sloppy Old Man
Dear Sloppy: You’ll forgive us if we chuckle at your raging diatribe in support of being a slob. Of course a loving heart is the most important attribute of any relationship. But there is no excuse for either men or women to become unshaven, unkempt pigs because they have grown complacent. We guarantee women would find Brad Pitt a good deal less attractive if he had hair sticking out of his ears and nose and hadn’t changed his underwear in a week. But you are right that many women also neglect their appearance. Each partner in a relationship should make every effort to look presentable, and sometimes that involves a magnifying mirror.
Dear Annie: I would greatly appreciate it if you would please reprint one of your most requested pieces. It is entitled “After a While” by Veronica A. Shoffstall. I found it in my drawer and can no longer read it. — El Paso, Texas
Dear El Paso: With pleasure. Here it is:
After a While by Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead, with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today, because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
you really are strong,
you really do have worth,
and you learn, and you learn, with every goodbye, you learn…
Copyright 1971
Dear Annie: I was so comforted by the letter from “Coping in Calif.,” whose son and his wife have cut her out of their lives. It’s true that there’s not one thing we can do about it. But I loved that she said along with forgiving them, we must also protect ourselves from their cruel behavior.
So much is said about cruelty to children. But so little is said about adult children being cruel to their parents. — Iowa
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.
 Please email your questions to, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.
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Published in The Messenger 9.28.11

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