Please excuse me, I’m just having a blonde moment
Posted: Friday, May 13, 2011 8:01 pm
By: By Chris Menees
I’ve gone too far.
Apparently the blonde has finally gone to my head.
Yesterday, someone in our office noted that today is Friday the 13th. Someone else interjected that she has a friend who will celebrate a Friday the 13th birthday.
I was honestly opening my mouth to say, “My birthday has never hit on a Friday the 13th,” when, thankfully, I stopped myself. I’ve never had a birthday on the 13th because I was born on the fourth of October.
It was a true blonde moment.
But I’m entitled. I was born blonde.
My husband has jokingly told me many times that he was born blonde but outgrew it. I just smile and tell him that it’s his loss.
Much to my dismay, though, the bright blonde locks of my childhood faded many years ago to a dull dishwater shade that left me yearning for my youth. Friends gently hinted that perhaps it was time to think about highlights or some color, but I felt like I’d be cheating.
An attempt with a sun-activated lemon and grapefruit lightening concoction ended in failure several years ago when the oldest blonde granddaughter, who was about seven at the time, innocently asked, “Did you try it and it not work?” — after I’d been using the goop faithfully for a month.
My dim outlook changed to a sunnier disposition last month, though, with my discovery of another all-natural — well, except for the tiniest hint of peroxide — heat-activated citrus spray that has left me looking lighter on top.
It must have worked all the way down to the roots, though, considering my blonde moment with the Friday the 13th gaffe yesterday.
Truthfully, I absolutely positively don’t think there’s any scientific proof that blondes are any dumber than brunettes or redheads … or that blondes have any more fun than people with any other hair color.
Still, it’s inspired movies — from “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” to “Legally Blonde” — and it’s provided plenty of fodder for some classic quotes and priceless jokes over the years.
Buxom blonde Dolly Parton came up with one of the best comebacks: “I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb … and I also know that I’m not blonde.”
Blonde bombshell Marilyn Monroe quipped, “Arthur Miller wouldn’t have married me if I had been nothing but a dumb blonde.”
If you’re blessed with golden tresses, natural or otherwise, the next time you find yourself having a blonde moment, take a cue from fair-haired actress Reese Witherspoon and use her words with attitude to your full advantage: “I’m blonde, what’s your excuse?”
And the blonde jokes? Why, we’re more popular than rednecks and lawyers combined.
Friends have shared countless blonde jokes over the years and I’ve stashed away a few favorites:
• What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? Trying to hold on to a thought.
• How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
• How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ear.
You get the point. I’m just thankful they’re all short — so I can remember them.
Am I offended by them? Not in the least. I’m amused.
Besides, just listen to any politician on any given day and you’ll come to the conclusion that we all have our blonde moments — no matter the color of our hair.
Staff Reporter Chris Menees may be contacted by e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Published in The Messenger 5.13.11