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Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

Posted: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 8:01 pm
By: Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
The Oklahoma Senate passed a bill forcing a presidential candidate to provide proof of citizenship to be on the ballot. The law would require hard proof of a candidate’s birthplace and true age. If California passed this law no movie star would ever run for governor again.
John McCain showed up in Libya Friday in the rebel-held city of Benghazi where he demanded the U.S. and NATO escalate the war on Khadaffi. Everyone’s waiting to see if he comes home. It’s not officially another Vietnam until John McCain can’t get out of the country.
Nevada U.S. Senator John Ensign resigned Friday under the cloud of a mistress payoff scandal in Washington. He’s dead politically. Nevada voters are insulted he’d go to Washington and waste millions while cheating on his wife when that’s what Las Vegas is for.
President Obama was cheered by movie stars Thursday when he spoke at the Sony movie lot in Culver City. They desperately need his help. Next year at the Oscars they’re going to do a montage of all the movie stars who were killed in the real estate crash.
President Obama held a town hall at the Facebook headquarters in Palo Alto with founder Mark Zuckerberg. He praised Facebook for changing our lives. Could you believe it was only seven years ago that you could lose touch with all the people who annoyed you?
Michael Jackson’s physician Conrad Murray goes on trial Tuesday in Los Angeles for the involuntary manslaughter of the pop star whom he was monitoring at the time of death. He could lose his license to practice medicine. That’s health care reform right there.
The Transportation Depart-ment warned Friday of high airline ticket prices this year due to high fuel costs. There are still bargains out there. For instance if you book a late-night flight you can now upgrade to an awake air traffic controller for twenty dollars.
The University of Florida unveiled a life-sized statue of Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow. He preaches and lives sexual abstinence. Somehow you knew if Southern Protestants ever agreed to worship a statue of a virgin it’d have to be a college football star.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.
Published in The Messenger 4.26.11

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