In search of the answer to the age old question: What’s your sign?
Posted: Friday, January 21, 2011 8:01 pm
By: By David Critchlow Jr.
What’s your sign?
It’s a bad pickup line, yes, but for almost 48 years I would have had the answer if anyone had asked me (not that anyone has ever tried to pick me up). By the way, I’m a Capricorn — or so I thought.
But now, thanks to some guy named Parke Kunkle, my astrological life has been thrown into disarray.
Kunkle is the Minnesota community college professor who said a wobble in the Earth’s rotation has altered its alignment with the stars, thereby causing a change in the zodiac signs.
So what, you ask?
Professor Kunkle claims the zodiac calendar is one month off and a 13th sign — Ophiuchus — has been added. But for me, a lifelong Capricorn, apparently I’ve been turned into a Sagittarius.
No longer will I carry the traits of Capricorn, also known as the sea-goat: Practical and prudent; ambitious and disciplined; patient and careful.
OK, so very few of those aptly described me, but I think I was making progress on being patient — or at least that’s what I told my daughters when I was calmly informing them and their friends to be quiet late one night recently or they would be awakened when I got up the next morning.
Now, as Sagittarius, also known as the archer, my traits will supposedly include: Jovial and good-humored; honest and straightforward; intellectual and philosophical.
Philosophically speaking, I think I’m pretty close on those, although I’m sure others would disagree. With those people, I think I could be honest and straightforward in telling them that, from an intellectual standpoint (but with a hint of good humor), I can’t be expected to be all things to all people.
Recently, while still a Capricorn, I read that, according to the stars, I am “an exciting and wonderful person.”
As a Sagittarius, the stars informed me, “Someone may be mocking me behind my back.”
I certainly believe the first part, but something tells me that someone could very well be mocking me behind my back, as well. Oh, I know what it is, my new horoscope is telling me that. I’ll bet Professor Kunkle’s horoscope is telling him the same thing.
There are other concerns, too.
According to one horoscope reading, the sea-goat was to expect good things in 2011, while the archer’s kind efforts toward someone may turn them into a parasite. Great, so I have that going for me.
The recently-announced changes may have detrimental effects on some marriages, friendships and other relationships, too, as compatibility is a prominent part of horoscope astrology. As I reflect on those more carefully, I sense that compatibility may already be an issue for me as a Capricorn, so maybe there will be improvement as a Sagittarius.
As for zodiac newcomer Ophiuchus, I don’t think the professor or any other orbiting celestial scientist has figured out what’s in store for the coming year, but with its symbol that of a serpent-bearer, things don’t appear to be very promising.
Astrologists and horoscope readers won’t be the only ones affected by the latest addition and the identity crisis that has enveloped the zodialogical world.
The increasingly-popular pet horoscopes will be affected as well. Just think how difficult it will be for a cat, formerly under the sign of Leo (the lion), to move to the sign of Cancer (the crab). A pet psychiatrist may be required to handle that one.
Amid the confusion, many speculate more news will surface that will enlighten us as to what else is going on in the cosmos.
In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if someone were to come out and claim something crazy like, “Pluto’s not a planet anymore.” Oops! Apparently little Pluto did get stripped of its planetary status a few years ago.
What will we find out next … that Chinese fortune cookies aren’t really reliable either?
David Critchlow Jr. may be contacted by e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Published in The Messenger 1.21.11