Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 8:01 pm
By: Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama delivered a rousing speech at a downtown rally in Philadelphia on Sunday. While the president was onstage reciting all the bills he’s passed, someone from the crowd threw a book at him. Don’t worry, it passed without anybody reading it.
Brett Favre was outed Monday for propositioning women with lewd photos and text messages. It could land him in sex rehab. Years ago he went to drug rehab, then later to alcohol rehab and now he’s just a month in sex rehab away from completing his doctorate in Los Angeles Studies.
The Social Network topped the box office about the kids who created Facebook. Everyone is on it now. A survey shows ten percent of parents punish their kids by taking them off Facebook, and the other ninety percent punish them by friending them on Facebook.
The White House reported Thursday that the U.S. economy lost another one hundred thousand jobs in the last quarter with unemployment hovering near ten percent. Employers aren’t helping. Meg Whitman just shipped her house to China to be cleaned.
Jerry Brown’s wife was identified Monday as the voice on last week’s audiotape who called his GOP opponent Meg Whitman a whore. Everyone’s shocked. Democrats expressed surprise it was Jerry Brown’s wife and Republicans expressed surprise it wasn’t Jerry Brown’s husband.
Columbus Day was ripped Monday by La Raza, which claimed that Europeans wiped out North America with viruses. They said a hundred years after Columbus, Mexico’s population fell from twenty million to one million. After that the Comanches had enough and closed the border.
President Obama accused the U.S. Chamber of Commerce Sunday of funneling cash from foreign countries into GOP election campaigns. The president’s evidence is very thin. Just because Benjamin Franklin was born a British subject doesn’t make it foreign currency.
President Obama holds an MTV town hall Thursday before a young studio audience. They were all pre-screened by a Hollywood talent agency. Young actors are so desperate for airtime that they are willing to play rich, white fraternity kids who are fed up with the Republican Party.
CBS’s Face the Nation host Bob Schieffer got White House adviser David Axelrod to admit Sunday that President Obama still smokes. It does send the wrong message. The president smokes while his wife advocates a healthy eating initiative and she outweighs him by thirty pounds.
Google engineers showcased a new concept car Sunday that drives and stops and changes lanes and brakes all by itself without need of a driver. Great idea. Soon all the cab drivers in New York will be unemployed and hanging around the new mosque with nothing to do.
Ohio GOP House candidate Rich Iott was photographed dressed up in a Nazi SS uniform he wore as a World War II re-enactor. That war was a result of grand egos and bad judgment. Thank goodness our generation has reality TV or the Kardashians would be running the Ottoman Empire.
The White House admitted Friday that ninety thousand three-hundred-dollar stimulus checks were sent out to dead people. It’s really helped the economy. Counterfeiters in North Korea are now selling death certificates on the Internet for two hundred dollars.
Vietnam is hosting an Asian military security conference this week attended by U.S. generals and admirals. Germany is thriving, Japan is booming and Iraq’s economy is roaring. Vietnam ensured its place as a forgotten backwater by defeating the U.S. in a war.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.
Published in The Messenger 10.13.10

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