Annie’s Mailbox – 09.17.10
Posted: Saturday, September 18, 2010 8:52 am
By: By Kathy Mitchell & Marcy Sugar
The Messenger 09.17.10
Dear Annie: I am having problems with my neighbor “Sarah,” who I used to consider a good friend. A year ago, she began sending my husband text messages. They started out innocently, but then she began implying she wanted “Ed” to have an affair with her. I was extremely hurt and angry. I know she and her husband were having some difficulties, and I think she was looking for attention.
Sarah sent me an apology via e-mail, but otherwise hasn’t spoken about it. Ed told her to stop texting, but she still sends him an occasional message, although they are no longer suggestive. I feel it is totally inappropriate for her to text him at all. Ed does not respond to the messages, hoping she will stop, but he’s about ready to change his cell number.
The tricky part is that my children are friendly with Sarah’s. I have seen her a handful of times when the children were playing outside, and we’ve said hello, but that’s about it. I no longer feel comfortable around her.
The irony is that Sarah seems angry at us because our friendship is not the same. She seems to believe the past is water under the bridge. I have no desire to be friends any longer and don’t feel I can trust her. Am I being too harsh? — Annoyed Neighbor
Dear Annoyed: No. Sarah has betrayed your trust and dismissed her culpability and is inappropriately maintaining separate contact with your husband. She is not a friend. Avoiding her would be difficult, however. Instead, you and Ed should tell her, together, that her behavior was disgraceful and forgiveness is not possible as long as she continues to text him. Tell her to stop immediately. No excuses will be accepted.
Dear Annie: I have an old acquaintance who has inserted himself into my life via Facebook. Now, it seems I’m his only friend.
Every time I’m on Facebook, he’s there. I’ve ignored my account in order to avoid him, but then he just texts me. I wouldn’t mind so much, but he likes to turn everything into a political argument, and he is insulting.
I’m tired of having to cut back on my own social networking in order to avoid another drawn-out discussion with him. “Unfriending” him isn’t a good option because when he isn’t arguing with me, he’s a decent guy and I’d rather not abandon him. I just don’t want my whole life dominated by his keyboard. How do I solve this with the least amount of backfire? — Getting Too Much
Dear Too Much: Try ignoring the political rants. Change the subject. It’s hard to fight with someone who replies, “Yeah, whatever, how about them Yankees?” More importantly, you are not obligated to be his friend and allow him to hijack your Facebook page. Tell him that if he continues to insult you, you will be forced to unfriend him. Then, when you’ve had enough, at least he will know why.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Not Always Greener,” who was adopted and searched for her birth mother. I am 54 and was adopted. I’ve been asked many times if I am curious about my birth parents. Yes, of course. I know they were married but could not care for a child at the time.
I would not, in any way, compromise the feelings of my devoted, nurturing parents in order to satisfy a selfish urge on my part. Likewise, I am respectful of the choice that my birth parents made and will not attempt to contact them.
Medical history, however, is a blank record. Is there a way I could get that information without disturbing anyone? — Doubly Loved
Dear Loved: Your state may allow access to your adoption records, which should contain some basic medical history. Contact the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse (http://www.adoption.org/adopt/national-adoption-information-clearinghouse.php), 330 C Street SW, Washington, D.C. 20447.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. E-mail questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045