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Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

Posted: Friday, May 21, 2010 8:02 pm
By: Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Charlie Sheen signed a deal to stay on the series Two and a Half Men Wednesday, making him TV’s highest paid actor. CBS agreed to pay Charlie $2 million an epsiode for the next two years. By episode they mean each separate police incident.
President Obama held a White House state dinner Wednesday in honor of Mexico’s President Felipe Calderon. The dessert was served outdoors in a tent on tables lit by candlelight. Halfway through the fried ice cream Arizona cut off the electricity.
Arizona threatened to cut off electricity to Los Angeles Tuesday if L.A. expands its boycott. It could set off a scramble. Right now Los Angeles gets one-fourth of its electricity from Arizona and three-fourths of its electricity from the Cali cartel.
President Obama ripped Arizona’s immigration law on Wednesday at a White House press conference with Mexico’s President Felipe Calderon. The criticism came as no surprise. President Obama’s favorite bookstore in Los Angeles is Porous Borders.
Rand Paul won the GOP Senate primary in Kentucky Tuesday in a huge victory for the Tea Party. The party members want small government, low taxes, low spending, no bailouts and no deficits. You never see a picture of one of them without his musket.
The German Stock Exchange clamped down on stock speculation and market hedging in Germany. They banned the practice of naked short-selling. Without even knowing what naked short-selling means, the San Francisco City Council voted to boycott Germany.
A Kansas City car dealer from Morocco was arrested Wednesday and charged with giving a $30,000 donation to al-Qaeda. Criminals always make stupid mistakes. You can’t claim an energy-saving deduction just because al-Qaeda’s flag is green.
The Texas School Board got public feedback over the new U.S. history textbook. Every ethnic group has a bone to pick. The U.S. was founded by English Protestants who never could have guessed they’d someday be excluded from sitting on their own Supreme Court.
Oklahoma Gov. Brad Henry vetoed a law that would have let Oklahomans carry a gun in plain sight. Everyone should carry a gun. There will come a time when you have accidentally left your debit card in the ATM after hours and you need some money.
NASA astronauts flew to the Space Station Monday as Congress considered NASA budget cuts. How brutal is the competition for tax dollars? Medicare and NASA are thinking of solving their budget problems by firing the elderly into space.
Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal confessed that he didn’t serve in Vietnam as he claimed. He got five deferments and did Reserve duty while working on Capitol Hill. Oliver Stone directed a war movie about him called Full Dinner Jacket.
British Petroleum announced Wednesday it’s giving $25 million to Florida to promote tourism in TV commercials. Florida doesn’t need the money. Every hotel is booked solid with trial lawyers who flew down to represent aggrieved shrimp.
Robin Hood opened Friday with its new interpretation of Robin Hood as a peasant who leads a peasant revolt. The ticket sales were drab in America. In the other screen versions Robin Hood is an English lord posing as a commoner, and that’s how Americans see themselves.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.
Published in The Messenger 5.21.10

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