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Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

Posted: Monday, April 19, 2010 9:08 pm
By: Argus Hamilton

BEVERLY HILLS —God bless America, and how’s everybody?
The White House faced a nationwide drive to repeal the health care reform law Wednesday. There’s a lot of hostility. McDonald’s now offers an Obama Special, you order whatever you want and the three people in line behind you pay for it.
Attorney General Eric Holder assured the Senate Wednesday that Mexican border control is a security priority. They musn’t stop the flow of goods. In addition to oil, silver, tequila and strawberries, Mexico is the number-one producer of Americans.
Sarah Palin’s contract for a speaking gig required that her hotel room have two bottles of water and a bendable straw. A bendable straw is essential. If anyone ever gets a photo of her with a straw going up her nose, her political career is over in the Red States.
President Obama banned the press from his Nuclear Security Summit in Washington Tuesday. Network news reporters declared the summit a success even though none of them were allowed inside. The White House press room is now king of all parrot jokes.
GOP Congressman Ron Paul stunned the political world Wednesday by pulling even with President Obama in a hypothetical election match-up for 2012. The Texas gynecologist is a political phenomenon. The Republicans are back in the saddle again.
Neil Armstrong expressed outrage Tuesday when Barack Obama scrapped NASA space flights. We’ll have to hitch rides with the Russians. With the election of America’s first black president comes the perception of the moon as just another all-white golf club.
Michelle Obama flew to Mexico City Tuesday to discuss anti-drug programs. They work so well in our own country. The demand for drugs is so high in America that Mexico’s farmers have to come to our national forests just to find enough arable land.
Attorney General Eric Holder couldn’t tell the Senate Wednesday where the Obama administration will hold high-profile terror trials. They may or may not be in New York. Wall Street bankers are still trying to get a change of venue to a free country.
President Obama invited Republicans to the White House Wednesday to discuss the financial regulatory reform bill which would rein in Wall Street. They’re sure to block it. The health care reform bill was just to ensure medical coverage for the sick and the poor, wait until the Republicans fight for an issue they care about.
Tea Party activists held over seven hundred rallies Thursday to protest higher taxes. The original Boston Tea Party was a local protest against lower British tea taxes which threatened John Hancock’s black market in smuggled Dutch tea. If today’s Tea Party protesters really wanted to lower taxes, they’d show up in Redcoats.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.
Published in The Messsenger 4.19.10

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