Blankity Blank Blanks
Posted: Tuesday, October 21, 2008 10:22 pm
By TOM PURCELL
Boy, are my mother and father uncharacteristically agitated lately.
I made the mistake of visiting them while they watched the cable news. Democrat Sen. Chris Dodd was on the tube blaming the market collapse on President Bush. Father jumped out of his recliner and began barking at the TV.
“That is blankity blank blank blank!” said Father, shouting words I never heard him say before — words he never permitted in our Christian home.
Father complained that Dodd, and other Democrats in Congress, pressured lenders to originate subprime mortgages, then pressured Fannie and Freddie — government-sponsored organizations — to buy up packages of the risky mortgages.
“Lots of people are to blame, but Dodd and his friends helped kick off the mess we’re in,” shouted Father, “and now they’re benefiting in the polls from the economy they helped damage!”
There wasn’t much time to discuss the matter, however. An interview with Democrat House Leader Nancy Pelosi came on. She also blamed our current woes on Bush.
“That is blankity blank blank blank!” said my otherwise dear, sweet, classy, church-going mother. She said words I never heard her say before.
Mother cannot understand how the public would want such partisans running the White House, House and Senate.
“Pelosi wants to spend $300 billion on another stimulus package when the last one didn’t work!” said Mother. “Liberal Democrats are going to raise taxes and spend billions more on top of the trillion or more we’re already spending to bail out the financial institutions!”
There was little time to discuss Pelosi, however. Another Democrat congressman was on the tube explaining why taxpayers must bail out people who took on mortgages they cannot afford.
“That is blankity blank blank blank!” said Father, jumping out of his recliner again.
Father told me he and Mother spent their lives scrimping and saving and living within their means. He worked hours of overtime to meet his obligations. It makes no sense to him that the government will tax his tax contributions and give them to people who made bad decisions.
About then Joe the plumber popped up on the tube. His question to Obama prompted Obama to say that it’s OK to tax people some more to spread the wealth around.
“That idea is a bunch of blankity blank blank blank!” said Mother. “That sounds like socialism to me and haven’t we learned by now socialism doesn’t work!”
There was no time to mull over her argument, however. The next news report explained that the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, or ACORN, was accused of fraudulently registering voters.
“This group registered Mickey Mouse,” said Father, laughing now in a disturbing manner. “Every stolen vote disenfr anchises someone else who plays by the rules. That’s just a bunch of blankity blank blank blank!”
Thankfully a commercial break came on the tube. I was unable to calm Mother and Father, however.
They told me why they’re so angry. They raised six children. They played by the rules. The America they know rewarded hard work and thrift, not stupidity and bad decisions.
They said they don’t want the government to tax oil companies more to send subsidy payments to people who buy gas. It’s not a subsidy. It’s a bribe!
They said it isn’t right for the government to take more from people who earn it and give it to people who don’t. It’s not a tax break. It’s a bribe!
They said it’s insanity to jack up capital gains taxes, especially when countries we are competing with — China, Singapore, Taiwan — have zero capital gains taxes, which are fueling massive investment and growth in those countries at the expense of ours.
They said they are frustrated that so many Americans are favoring politicians who will take us the wrong way — frustrated that the simple middle-class values upon which they lived their lives are under assault.
“It’s amazing that more people aren’t angry!” said Father.
The commercial break ended. Democrat Rep. Barney Frank popped onto the tube. He began blaming Bush for the financial meltdown. Mother had but one thing to say to that:
“That is blankity blank blank blank!”
©2008 Tom Purcell. Tom is a humor columnist nationally syndicated exclusively by Cagle Cartoons. For more info contact Cari Dawson Bartley at 800 696 7561 or email email@example.com. Visit Tom on the web at www.TomPurcell.com or e-mail him at Purcell@caglecartoons.com.