Dear Annie: My husband wants to take nude pictures of me. I’ve told him I don’t like it, but he’ll occasionally try to snap a shot when I am stepping out of the shower. He gets angry when I insist he delete it. He says he should be able to have nude pictures of his wife. Then I feel guilty. Am I being too uptight?
When I checked my husband’s Internet history, I discovered it’s 95 percent porn. I can’t ask him about it or he will know I figured out his password. Does this have anything to do with the pictures he wants to take? — Wondering What’s Normal
Dear Wondering: It may. Men who look at a lot of porn sometimes develop a warped view of normal sexual behavior. Also, your husband may want to take nude pictures of you in order to post them on the Internet. If you are uncomfortable posing for him, you should not do so. And since there is a possibility that everyone in the universe may see you in the altogether, we urge you not to indulge this particular fantasy. Lock the bathroom door and make sure you have a robe with you.
Dear Annie: Two months ago, my brother and his girlfriend got a pit bull puppy. At first, we thought it was very cute. We don’t now.
My brother started bringing this dog everywhere, and it is not housebroken. It uses everyone’s house as a toilet, and instead of cleaning up after their dog, my brother and his girlfriend argue over whose turn it is. In order for their dog to wander around our house, we have to lock up our animals. At a family function at our home, their 40-pound pit bull bit our 20-pound dog in the head.
Annie, no one wants my brother or his dog around anymore. We all love him, and I don’t blame the dog, but what do we do? — Very Frustrated in Dogtown
Dear Dogtown: Tell your brother you will no longer lock up your animals in their own home, and since they don’t get along with his pit bull, he must make other arrangements for his dog. You might also suggest that his dog would be more welcome if it were housebroken and had some training. If your brother doesn’t like this, too bad. It’s your house. You get to make the rules. Stop letting him walk all over you.
Dear Annie: Two months ago, my wife left me for another man. People who haven’t seen me in a while often begin a conversation by asking, “How is ‘Angie’?” A truthful answer (“Angie is engaged and I am heartbroken”) seems like too much information, but “She’s fine,” seems deceptively incomplete.
When people ask if we’d had counseling, I have a hard time informing them that my wife refused anything of the sort. I don’t wish to speak negatively of her. Worse, Angie often says, “I want you to see that this is for the best.” I want to tell her that step one in caring about your husband is finding a way to end your affair and breathe life into your marriage. If I said this, she would probably stop talking to me.
Angie is still the love of my life. The more I talk to my own counselor, the harder it is to imagine what is going through my wife’s mind. Can I ever make her understand what she is doing to me? — Aching Heart
Dear Aching: We can feel your broken heart through your letter. You cannot force Angie to love you. Use the time with your counselor to work on seeing Angie as she really is and realizing that you deserve better. And for those unwitting souls who ask about her, the proper response is a curt, “She’s fine,” unless you want to recite the whole megillah for them.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger on 10.26.07